The uncontained hatred for Linda Ikeji and a deep-seated professional envy for Onyeka Nwelue that permeated the piece was so thick you could use it as a ramming tool.
Before I read through it, mentally steeling myself for the five-hundred words of pure claptrap I was about to face, I cast a cursory glance at the name of the writer, Pearl Osibu. I did a quick Google search, and I got five hits that pointed to her writing and then the rest were social media listings, sprinkled between results of more famous males and females bearing her name. A failed writer who envies Onyeka Nwelue’s success then, it was easy to surmise.
She had to start with an irrelevant story of how she woke up in Scotland as if to say “Hey, I travel too, Onyeka and Linda are not anything special because they are so well-travelled.” Why was it important to tell the reading public she went to Scotland? How did it add anything to her post? What sort of entrenched inferiority complex is that?
I want to ask Pearl Osibu why Onyeka Nwelue’s praise of Linda Ikeji enraged her so much. Onyeka Nwelue encountered greatness and praised it. It is people like Miss Osibu who will never achieve greatness because they have refused to appreciate it. A 27 year old writer who has accomplished more in 7 years than Miss Osibu ever would, given thrice the time and quadruple the resources, wrote about a side of Linda Ikeji haters like Osibu will never allow themselves see. Yet Miss Osibu opened her puerile mouth to condemn it. I wonder if she felt responding to Onyeka Nwelue’s piece would add a little smidgen of relevance to her squalid existence.
Onyeka pointed out that Linda is successful but hated. Yes, she is hated, by people like Pearl Osibu. People like Osibu, plebeians of the worst kind, who wish they have what Linda has. Miss Osibu, you are a writer, an unaccomplished one at that, so I fully understand why it irks you so.
It really hurts, right? To be able to call yourself a writer, and Linda who is an “airhead” according to you, manages to cart away with all the millions you feel you deserve. Here, have a handkerchief to dry those tears. Here is some Robb, apply it on that wound. You’ll feel better in a few days if you can stop being such a passionate hater, god! You wrote an article to discredit Onyeka’s article but all you did was bleed hatred on that page for 800 words and not manage to make a point. Here’s some free advice: Put as much dedication into your writing “art” as Linda puts into her “thief” blog. You may actually earn enough money to go for some thorough cleansing to wash you free of the mediocrity that has resolutely manacled and fettered your non-existent career these past years.
You were inspired to write your post by your deep-rooted envy for both Linda and Onyeka. You envy them both because they are everything you can never be. Linda is a fellow woman who is making good money from something you desperately wish you thought of first. Onyeka is a fellow writer and because he continues to make giant strides (he is a Visiting Professor at the University of Hong Kong, did you hear?) you cannot contain the malice that has propagated like virus deep within you and has threatened to choke you.
Pearl, that is NOT how to respond to someone’s piece. Next time you want to reply someone’s piece, tuck in your envy, it’s showing. Meanwhile, this failed writer who has resorted to writing half-assed pieces on poorly-designed and even worse-edited blogs purports to give Onyeka Nwelue writing advice, telling him “If you ant to make someone look good, make them look at least flawed and yet lovable. You say you are a writer, you should know this simple thing. Apart from the fact that no one likes a little miss goody-two-shoes, it is more believable.” I like to imagine she typed this in her best impression of a good writer who is giving a poor writer some advice.
Well, since you’re such a good writer that you have to give Onyeka Nwelue advice, I ask you provide evidence that you are in a position to advice him.
Where are the awards your own books have won? Oh, you haven’t published any books yet. Nobody will publish anything you write because it’s all garbage. Pure, unprocessed garbage.
In contrast, Onyeka Nwelue published his first book, The Abyssinian Boy at the age of 21, and it went on to win the 2009 TM Aluko Prize for Fiction. He followed it with Burnt, which was critically acclaimed. Then came Of Flowers and Sex Symphonies, an audiobook he did to showcase his versatility. And then he followed it with his magnum opus, Hip Hop is Only for Children. He has 3 books and 1 audiobook, you have zero. You cannot sit with him; the door’s over there, shut it behind you.
Not content with just writing books, Onyeka Nwelue proceeded to set up and continues to operate La Cave Musik, a record label centered on Afrocentric sounds, which has signed legends like Tee Mac, Onyeka Onwenu and winners of glo Naija Sings – Jon Oogah and Casey Ed on its rooster.
Please, Pearl Osibu, what have you achieved in your years on earth that gives you the authority to deem yourself qualified to advice Onyeka Nwelue? I shake my head in pity at your vapid self-importance.
Pearl Osibu, you have had your day in the spotlight. We have seen you. You may now scuttle back to those dark corners of mediocrity and irrelevance you inhabited before you deemed it fit to soil the internet with that spiteful, covetous, malicious, outright filth of a response. Shut up, okay, just, shut up.
I have responded to you. You will not get another reply from me; you have not achieved enough to deserve the attention. Reply Onyeka Nwelue in five years or something when a Google search of your name generates at least 100 hits that are not Facebook and Twitter posts. Cheers.
***Mars Ezechukwu is a poet and prose writer who writes from Enugu. His poems have been featured in several anthologies and books, most recently Onyeka Nwelue’s masterpiece, “Hip Hop is Only for Children.” He is also the author of the non-fiction book, “The Heart Repair Shop.” When he’s not writing, he’s the CEO of Taker’s, a meal-delivery start-up that was listed in “Top 10 Startups to Watch in 2016”. He tweets from @MarsEzechukwu.